Letters to Everything (Chapter 1)

 

Hello everything,

I met you at a time when I was at a crossroad trying to make sense of the life ahead of me. I always wore my heart on my sleeve and make impulsive decisions, but I decided not to do any of that anymore. So for the first time in years, I chose to let go and let fate take its course. I struggled to open my heart to anyone because it was ripped whole leaving nothing but a hollow. I was once told that I was dreadful and that I will never find anyone sane enough to ever put up with me. But you felt strongly against that and told me what you see - kind and thoughtful and loving. I cried thinking about all those years I was convinced that I deserve all that pain and trauma. There is no denying that I am flawed but you made me feel that I am enough and thinking otherwise is a grave mistake. I carried so much hate and negativity, but your compassion taught me to focus on the good.

You knew about my pain, but you never made me feel that I was broken. Instead, you hugged me even tighter, so all my broken pieces would stick back together. You made me love myself more by loving me whole. I was so skeptical I could not believe that I have found someone so gentle and kind who loves and appreciates all that I am. A man who is and has been very patient of my healing and who taught me that there is good in a world full of evil.

And when the night falls dead, and I lie still on your chest, I hear nothing but the sound of your heartbeat. It pounds, silencing my thoughts before I drift off to deep slumber. I remind myself that no matter how cruel the world has been, this heart – it beats for me. And that is all that matters. You remind me that I mean the world to you every chance you get. You have been my biggest fan, my constant motivator, and the calm to my storm. The future is uncertain, but it no longer terrifies me for I know that you will be there to hold my hand.

Thank you for telling me I am beautiful even in the mornings when my eyes are puffy and my hair is dishevelled. For helping me find reasons to get up every time I feel like the world is weighing me down. For never, ever giving me reasons to doubt you or your intentions. For seeing the good in me even at times I, myself could not. It is true that you get what you think you deserve, and I know I deserve this. I deserve you. For I cannot be without you.

 

Yours,

JN💕